I've suffered from depression since my teen years. After self-medicating with drugs and alcohol for about twenty years - I not only can't remember the 60's, but the 70's and a good sized chunk of the 80's as well - I mostly stopped in 1985. I've had a few drinks since then.
I have major depressive disorder (MDD) with anxiety. Anxiety seems far too mild a word. In the midst of an episode, terror would be far more descriptive. I've been out of work since November 2002 because of depression and anxiety over my ability to support myself.
I've been hospitalized for causes related to MDD and anxiety way too many times during the last nine years. Once for a suicide attempt with pills, once for an overdose of pills, three times when my shrink thought I was going to commit suicide and others when I simply wanted to die. Twice I'd bought a gun.
Click here for a really excellent Adobe Acrobat PDF file on MDD from the American Psychiatric Association. You have to be a bit patient while it loads, but it's worth it if you want a comprehensive view of MDD. If you don't have the Adobe Acrobat Reader, you can download it here. Also, I've included this list of famous, successful people diagnosed with mental illness.
The psychiatrists I've seen recently have worked with me to keep my medications down to a bare minimum. I try not too take too much when I'm feeling OK just to prevent a future episode. They impair the emotionality and sensitivity that I value so highly. I'm currently taking the following psychotropic meds:
| mood stabilizer | Lamictal (lamotrigine) | 400 mg |
| mood stabilizer, hypnotic and neuropathy pain relief | Neurontin (gabapentin) | 3200 mg |
| antidepressant | Emsam (selegiline) | 12 mg/24h |
| antipsychotic and hypnotic | Seroquel (quetiapine) | 200 mg |
| antipsychotic | Abilify (aripiprazole) | 10 mg |